Calcification, revisited

[furtech]

I once made a post about “calcification”. This is the transition of a person from having a fannish sense-of-wonder to a mundane with only a sense-of-rent (or kids or work). The “wonder” disappears. I just had an LJ exchange with a good friend about this. Here's my distilled version.

For those of you old enough to have friends in their 30’s+, try to remember those people back in college or high school who would once say, “Sure, I’d love to go to the comic store with you!” and who—years later—would look at you as if you just turned into dog-poop and say, “Why?!”

That’s calcification.

Calcification is the transition of former fans, artists and creative-types into people who have lost that sense of wonder-- the need to be creative. Most people eventually leave all that behind and become everyday men and women with jobs, kids and a happy --if mundane-- life. There was a time when I just could not understand how anyone could let that happen to them. Since then I've learned that it's not an active choice-- just something that happens. Other things have a higher priority and eventually they just forget about things like art and music. I've got a few very good friends who are heading down this path and while I'm sad to see them go, at least they're happy and unaware and busy entering a new phase of their lives. Likely we’ll see less and less of each other as the different priorities come with different friends.

Some people fight it, some go with the flow. Ultimately the question that needs to be addressed is: are you happy? Creativity is not a requisite for happiness. Personally, I could see myself drifting away from fandom/costuming/comics and into dog training-- an activity that is fun and can fill your free time if you let it.

Am I happy?

That's the rub: happiness is -very- subjective. People who are happy and lead ordinary lives -are- happy (let's ignore the ones who pretend they're happy). The calcification process is slow and subtle-- priorities change and you transition into another lifestyle. This doesn't mean you no longer do fun or creative things—in fact, you will shine when given the opportunity to be creative (decorating a cake for kids, office party themes, posters for fundraising booths, etc.).

I'm not saying that this transition from weird to mundane would make -me- happy: that's why I still fight it. But it can happen and it's neither good nor bad, just different.

To use a slightly different take: I look at the number of people who used to do art or take walks or DO stuff in the real world who now spend those hours happily playing WoW or Second Life. Those people are happy...they no longer do (or have cut down drastically) things that I believe are more worthwhile (walk, art, etc.), but they're not living for -my- happiness, so if they're happy that's that. None of them made a conscious decision to spend hours zombifying themselves in front of a computer and stop doing “real life” things, but they started playing and it was fun and soon that playing became more important than those things they used to spend that time doing.

Comments

[skorzy.livejournal.com]

Calcification is the transition of former fans, artists and creative-types into people who have lost that sense of wonder-- the need to be creative.

You're making a BIG assumption that people who follow a more typical life have lost their creativity, instead of expressing it in different ways. I would also argue that people who have the same interests and motivations that they had as a 16 year old have not progressed much as a person.

[fatkraken.livejournal.com]

"The calcification process is slow and subtle-- priorities change and you transition into another lifestyle. This doesn't mean you no longer do fun or creative things—in fact, you will shine when given the opportunity to be creative (decorating a cake for kids, office party themes, posters for fundraising booths, etc.)"

This whole thing looks to be more philosohical than whiney; he's not saying it's a BAD thing, just a.......thing.

I guess the whistfullness is because often, the process occurs differently in different people, and friends drift apart because they no longer pursue the same interests or share the same hobbies. I have lots of friends who no longer cosplay and it's "sad" because we can no longer go to the same events and have fun, not because I feel sorry for them not making costumes anymore. They're happy and I'm happy, with our now different hobbies and lifestyles, but we can't be happy TOGETHER in the same way we used to be, because much of that was based around sharing of those hobbies. I'm not saying people with different interests can't be friends, not at all, but there are some "fannish" things which give you a lot of pleasure and which you can only share with fellow fans.

[furtech.livejournal.com]

What you said, *exactly*!

[c-eagle.livejournal.com]

:/
let's also emphasize... the physical aspect of it, too.. there can be some of that 'calcification' if we're not careful.
Most people aren't aware of when they lost that innate desire to run thru Autumn leaves, or slide down a hillside. There should be an effort to retain some of that also (as you indicated perhaps with walks n hike-like adventures), in order to maintain good odds of quality of life later on, no matter what turns our mental interests take.

[westly-roanoke.livejournal.com]

I would also argue that people who have the same interests and motivations that they had as a 16 year old have not progressed much as a person.

And I'd have to argue that.

I share the same interests and motivations I did as a 16 year old, a decade later. It's made me a more creative person, seeing how I can work my new interests into the sphere of my old ones, and how that only rekindles my older passions.

I just roleplay a little more maturely now....

[furtech.livejournal.com]

I'm not making assumptions because I'm not really trying to prove anything. Fatkraken's post nails it: mostly just thoughtful and a little sad.

At the same time, you've got it right too: many don't lose that creative urge, just express it differently. Best example of this are many of the tech companies in the SF Bay Area (especially San Jose): there are people there who started or work at companies that have frisbee breaks, wildly inventive friday parties/bbq's/break-days and often allow pets (particularly dogs) at work. In a way they're looked on by "old companies" like they're still little kids (which they are, in spirit). So yeah-- creativity expressed in different ways.

What I was referring to, specifically, were those who make up so many of the people we encounter every day who can't remember what it's like to be a kid. "True" mundanes-- who are nice people, but would never walk into a comic shop or play in the mud with a dog or read a science fiction book. Kind of like Wendy's parents in "Peter Pan".

Some would say that Isaac Asimov had the same interests and motivations as he did when he was 16, but he's still considered "great". Depends on what those interests and motivations are.

[was1.livejournal.com]

The energy and motivation for creative endeavors gets harder as you get older too, and other things in life come up. I don't have the creative drive I did in my 20s, and I miss that, but I appreciate the flashes of creativity when I get them.

So I can see how people can drift away from fannish and creative endeavors to do other things, people's focus changes, and they migth find new hobies as well.

[martes.livejournal.com]

While it's never a good thing to stay the same your whole life, changes that occure over the years are not automaticly a good thing either. I see people sinking into alcoholism or untreated mental illness as they get older, and people who seem to spend their entire lives at the office, or who turn into bizarre hermits who never leave the apartment. Somehow I don't think those changes are really for the best.

[furtech.livejournal.com]

Man, now change depresses me!

[okojosan.livejournal.com]

I'm sure people see me "zombifying" in front of WoW and think I've changed... but that shows how little they know me. :/ It was Wizardry once, for hours and hours, then Crystal Quest (and various other games on the Mac), and Tetris, then Heroes of Might and Magic, then Furrymuck, then Thief, then Morrowind, then Pokemon, and now WoW for me. I have always played computer games since I was 10. I haven't changed- just the game has changed.

Am I not doing as much art? Possibly. Or maybe I'm just not showing people because I have friends who start ragging on anyone who stops doing furry art. (I've always been more interested in my elves and talking animals than "furry art".)

I still consider myself very creative- I'm still needle-felting (started a dog yesterday for my sister) and I still plan to do a Frieda for you one of these days. Hopefully I can get an art desk soon so I can get back into producing 2D art more regularly. I really don't like hunching over a lap board on the couch. It hurts my back.

I'm defensive, because I'm tired of people insinuating that WoW has taken over my life. Maybe getting laid off and being severely depressed affected my art instead, hmm? Maybe the medication I'm on has affected my creative output, or maybe I've been in a 2-3 year art block. I've actually been inspired to draw because of WoW, not in spite of it. Oh wait, but that's elves and humans and not furries. 9_9

[furtech.livejournal.com]

Actually, you're one of the few friends who I -don't- feel disappeared into WoW. As you point out, you have always tended to stay in and rarely venture out. The only difference is that when you were within reach (down here), we could prise you from the underside of your tide-pool rock and hike or Japanese-market-geek with you. Then you'd scurry back to the safety of your burrow...

I've always liked your art, furry or not: I liked the funny, out-of-story character funny stuff (creator arguing with characters-- that kind of stuff). Maybe you could still put that art up, but filter who you show announce it to. There are plenty of artist who only rarely draw animals whose art I enjoy seeing (like "Twirlynoodle", "Penny Arcade" and though it's not really drawn, "Alien Loves Predator").

Needle-felting still fascinates me and if there were just a few more hours in the day I'd be trying it out. That's another thing I miss about you and Octantis up in WA: learning a new hobby is more fun/easier if you have get togethers doing it (like the early days of costuming for me when several of us would get together and have work-sessions).

The defensive part or the meds aren't anything I can do anything about. I know that saying, "Don't let it bother you," or "Screw 'em" isn't much help. I honestly have no problem with WoW fanart: I'm designing a Tauren costume for the con if I can make it, so I can hardly criticize (I don't even -play- the game!). And yes, depression is the 800lb gorilla that's hard to get around.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

it's not an active choice-- just something that happens.

Sadly it can be an active choice. My brother, quite a few years ago, decided that he didn't like being a "fantasy geek." We were about to move, and he realized that he had the opportunity to reinvent himself.

So he did. He used to draw fantasy art constantly. We even collaborated for a while on a fantasy comic. After this he still did art on occasion, but mostly portraits and pictures of buildings, which he would sell or gift to people. Fantasy had, he reasoned, been a bit part of the reason why he'd never fit in socially, if he left it behind he would be happier.

And as far as I can tell he is. He was one of the most popular boys in high school his senior year. He met a nice, pretty, fun girl and married her, and they have a job selling satellite TV during the summer, while during the school year he's going to school to be a teacher, while she works in the mall to support them.

And he hasn't totally left his creativity, of course. He just has channeled it in other ways.

But he sat me down a few years ago, and told me that my insistence on reading fantasy books and drawing furry art (this was before I got into costuming) was the reason why I was still single, and if I'd just give that up and try to focus on more "normal" interests, I'd be able to catch a man. I told him that any man I caught that way was a man I didn't want to live with, and I'd be happy to remain single until I found somebody as geeky as I.

[furtech.livejournal.com]

That's very interesting: I've known many people who thought of doing just what your brother did, but few actually followed through. Mostly their problems were more than just superficial (like the type of art one drew) and the old habits would eventually re-surface. Cool for him!

Your advantage over him wrt fantasy and furry fandom is that woman can just about pick and choose in a group where they're outnumbered three to one by interested males. A single woman at a science fiction convention? Goddess!

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Well, as they say "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." I've had fanboys follow me around at a sci-fi convention. *shudder* One of them turned out to be nice, we even dated a little before going our separate ways, but some of them... Well, let's say that one particular fellow had literally just one topic of conversation. Ever. Which was his Star Trek furry character. And he talked the entire con about it, trailing after me everywhere I went, and sitting next to my booth, babbling away, when I couldn't escape! I could tell you his character's entire life story, because I involuntarily absorbed it through sheet dint of repetition.

(And I think in my brother's case it was the move that helped. New place, no old friend or old reminders of habits to make him lapse back into them.)

[furtech.livejournal.com]

Haha! Now you know why most single women don't attend sf or comic cons without a male (boyfriend, friend, whatever) bodyguard in tow! And welcome to the life of a famous celebrity! I just tell the non-stop-talkers that I can't let them tell me about their characters without a written release for legal reasons. If nothing else, that confuses them enough that they wander off and find some other poor victim!

[kamfan.livejournal.com]

I thought your post was very interesting- I don't see how or why some people are taking to it almost like you are making personal attacks. You were simply making an observation of things you see around you- and actually, I think I fit into some of those categories, myself.

In my case, though, I am aware of my lack of creativity. After the glory days of college, running around southern Cal without a care in the world, spending almost all day and all night either online or drawing, I suddenly found myself at that awkward age where you are in an awkward position where you are no longer a post-teen living on a college campus, receiving health care for being a full-time student and having housing and a cafeteria for your daily meals, but not a full-fledged adult either, with an established credit history, a steadfast career, or experience for handling 'adult' situations. Suddenly, I've got to take care of myself. Now. I got so wrapped up in holding down a full-time job, making rent, buying groceries, affording car repairs and trying to 'keep it together' that it got to the point where I was too exhausted and felt too hurried to sit down and draw. For a long time I was plagued with a guilt for it- especially when people would ask to see what I had done recently, and the most recent thing I had was done some two years ago or so. Then the guilt began to pass, and then was replaced with just not caring anymore. Eventually, I got to the point again where I began to worry- what if I never did art again? Even if it wasn't necessarily for a career- but what if I never did it again even for myself? I began to picture myself down the road as one of those mothers their kids like to brag to others about when they bring in a school project with art their mother did for it. I remember as a kid marvelling at some kids when they brought in drawings their mother did for their book report and thinking, 'Wow, some housewife and mother standing over a hot stove, wiping runny noses, sorting soiled laundry, going to PTA meetings and soccer matches, and nobody knows that she's a freaking awesome artist and probably could have done something with her talent...why didn't she?'

I can see it going both ways. I can see people leaving their creativity and their respect for simple pleasures and simple fun behind for what seems to many, a mundane, run-of-the-mill, no excitement life where they just shuffle through the years, going to work, raising the kids and paying the bills. But I see it going the other way, too, where it seems people are withdrawing from these normal, mundane lives and spending it completely detached from the real world and in a fantasy world they either find online, in video games, or in the countless discs of movies, cartoons, and anime that runs non-stop on their televisions in a room where they have crammed all the things they may ever need into it, so they don't ever have to leave it.

Whether one direction or the other brings them happiness, is up to them. Working non-stop and paying bills and worrying my head over keeping my credit pristine and barely getting any decent sleep doesn't sound like it could bring happiness, but it brings me happiness in knowing that I am self-sufficient, and that I can take care of myself and provide for myself both the things I want and need. Creativity brings me happiness, and indulgence in art, comics, anime, computers, etc. can be costly. So the fact that working hard helps secure the things I enjoy spending my money on, brings happiness.

I'm hoping in the near future, to find a very happy, optomistic balance between the time I HAVE to dedicate to working and mundane tasks with the time I WANT to dedicate to artwork and other fannish things. It's starting to fall into place, and my sketchbook is slowly but surely starting to fill up once again.

[furtech.livejournal.com]

True-- often situations dictate where we go as people. Sometimes harsh conditions force other necessary activities to completely overwhelm the fun stuff. That doesn't mean one can't return to that sense-of-wonder state of mind later, though. And that you are even thinking about this shows that the process hasn't really taken over completely. Not that either is better than the other as I'll re-iterate.

[haamel.livejournal.com]

It may be nitpicking, but the specific example of a friend who no longer wants to go with you on a comic book run is not terribly apropos of "calcification". Said friend could easily be immersed in any number of other "creative" pursuits, and merely have left comic books behind.

"Calcification" means getting set in one's ways. The definining characteristic is the inability to adapt and cope with change. Leading a diverse lifestyle (many different hobbies etc.) tends to combat calcification, but isn't necessarily proof against it. I can imagine a person active in pet training, in role-playing, in reading and weekly choral performances, who would nevertheless get thrown for a loop if one of those activities were suddenly swapped for something else - say golfing or wine-tasting.

Especially in this light, your last paragraph isn't really about "calcification" at all. The "zombifying" activities you dislike may nevertheless demand considerable flexibility and creativity from their participants. If your concern is really a difficulty with finding people to share some fresh air with you, far better to say so in as many words.

[furtech.livejournal.com]

As mentioned elsewhere, I've got a disorganized mind that needs little mental post-its to help organize my thoughts. I hope I emphasized that the term "calcification" was just the term I use-- not an actual definition (if not, my bad!). I'm still a bit fannishly snobby (I think a sense-of-wonder is better than not having one, personally), which is why the term isn't necessarily flattering. I could have used "mundane" or "hidebound" or any other word indicating a closed mind.

Also, there is a range of this-- from the "otaku fan" where fandom takes over their lives completly to the close-minded bigot. The big bump of the bell curve is in the middle, where the distinctions are more vague.

Calcification" means getting set in one's ways.
True-- I see becoming more mundane as being less open to new ideas and imagination, as opposed to having that "sense of wonder". More of an idea thing than just activities. The comic store allegory is just the example that I encountered and started me thinking (and is a fairly clear example of what I'm talking about).

The WoW discussion was less about calcification specifically than it was another example of how subtle big changes can be, put in terms that most of us can relate to. The zombifying remark refers to what they look like playing the game for hours...and is snarky because they're doing that and not coming out to play. I hope I never implied that WoW stifled creativity-- many friends and people in general are doing tons of art, writing and socializing (weird, online socializing, but socializing nonetheless) because of Warcraft. I'm a little sad that fewer new stories and art (not based on something) is being created, but that might be balanced by the number of people who are trying that for the first time.

[wyoon.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of letting people be happy with what they want. But I know the kinda downer it is to watch a friend you knew so well and got along with, go in another direction with life. But it's all good.

I just hate when people think your living for them.


I like the deep thoughts Furtech. Good reading.

[furtech.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of letting people be happy with what they want. But I know the kinda downer it is to watch a friend you knew so well and got along with, go in another direction with life. But it's all good.

Another person who nails what I'm trying to say with far fewer words! It -is- sad when friends you thought you'd have forever go their own ways. New ones come into one's life-- sometimes even more intense and wonderful than the ones you drifted away from-- but the old ones stay in one's memories. And we miss them.

[loriana.livejournal.com]

Wow... wish I had read this prior to posting to the last post.

Its interesting you bring this topic up- Since my reply to the previous had these thoughts running through my head- mostly about myself.

I DONT do things like I used to--- and it does depress me a lot.
There are so many 'promises' of projects to come- dreams of new things to make and I never get around to it.

Work has been a major factor. I spend 10 hours away from home- when I get home I dont feel like doing anything at all :( Not even my most dear of interests. Much less any of them that might actually require any significant quantity of effort :P

As for going out-- always like to do it if it doesnt mean a long drive anymore. Go back 3 years ago, even if it meant a trip to North Carolina, I was like totally for it--- now even cons dont interest me so much if it means a long drive (But then, I'm pretty sick of driving 2 hours a day too).

Now, I said all of that to say that whats really sad is that I seem to be getting more and more 'conditioned' to this life style. I dont want to, and yet its happening year by year. I work more, and actually DO less. *grumble*

So-- projects that are REALLY work intensive... like 1/8th scale steam locomotives and Tora suits, have totally fallen off the radar screen... I'm left with only my own boastful words of "I'm going to build _____" that echo in my head, that rub my nose in the fact that I said I would, and I havent, and at this rate I probably wont in my lifetime.

"Calcification", if indeed it is what you feel I am experiencing, to me is feeling more like rigor mortis! :/

[furtech.livejournal.com]

I think lack of time and energy is the greatest push towards calcification: there have definitely been times when I was so tired that I chose sleep (all night, or catnaps when I have time) over other stuff (like staying up all night talking at cons, etc.). Some of that is just getting old. (*sigh*)

The big problem is not noticing when it's happening...at least you are still aware and still make an effort to get neat stuff done. Kind of like what I'm doing now: gotta fight for the time to do fun stuff. I finally cleared my plate of immediate work-stuff, so now I can work on a few costume projects! Woo!

[shoka.livejournal.com]

You make it sound like all transitioning into a new or different lifestyle is calcification. In my life priorities are always changing over a course of a year or two, with a few core components which never seem to change (books, gotta love them). And a sense of wonder can come from more than just being creative.

I've let a lot of things transition out of my life, often because of new things coming in. But I've never really considered myself as calcifying. So I've stopped going to every SoCal Oingo Boingo concert, playing M:tG, scuba diving, buying every new and even remotely interesting table-top RPG that comes out and making drawings. I now write crappy fantasy novels (well ok, one novel), play computer games, paint with watercolors, play WoW, bind books and soon, will play with dolls. I still make my weekly trip to the comic book store, though what I buy has changed over the decades.

I still stand there half-dressed looking out my bedroom window awestruck at the plethora of birds hanging out in our mimosa tree. It's a different show every morning and every morning fills me with wonder.

Calcification is a mindset, imo. It will only 'get' you if you let it :)

[furtech.livejournal.com]

I'd be even more harsh and say that calcification is a label used by those of us (ie, me) who are unhappy because friends have found new interests. Part of me still believes in the "best friends forever" that we got into as kids.

And no-- I hope I didn't say that moving in new directions is of itself calcification: just when you lose the sense of wonder/creativity/etc. and more mundane (re: kids, day job, home, etc.) become your major focus.

Lastly-- you're kidding, right? I never considered you calcifying! Sure, you've moved on from some things, but you're doing book-binding, writing, your art went from ok to proficient in just a few years, you still read manga and comicbooks (I love the reviews), etc. You definitely have a sense-of-wonder and an appetite for new challenges and new knowledge.

[c-eagle.livejournal.com]

perCISEly why I put the accelerator down finally, and hauled my jading-best-friend's carcass to Euro Disney before he was too far gone.... yup!

[lacy.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you, these changes do often take place. I can look at myself even, and how my interests have changed drastically over my life, although I think in my case it may actually be for the better.

For several years I enjoyed text-based roleplaying immensely, to the extent it was what I was often doing in place of further developing any other hobbies or interests. It was fun, yes, and I think it did help me develop stronger urges to write which surfaced later in life to sort of "fill the void" of no longer roleplaying. And it isn't that I'd *want* to roleplay again either, any attempts at returning to it have never resulted in me not sticking with it or getting as much out of it as I used to, and not to mention the biggest issue: not enough time to sink into it anymore.

It really did change my circle of friends, I no longer talk to half the people I used to. Those that I do talk to even now, we aren't nearly as close as we used to be. They probably see it as a "sad" thing. It isn't that I don't want to talk with them, it's simply that we have less in common and less to share, since the major factor that was holding the friendship together is now gone. In a perfect world it shouldn't matter that your interests change, you should still be friends. Facing facts, it does throw a monkey wrench in your friendship if the whole basis of the friendship was founded on one thing which, once gone, leaves you with less in common. I know that isn't true for all friends either, some friendships aren't based around one singular interest which becomes the driving force of the friendship, but in some cases (like mine) that holds true.

In the end, my interests changed. I think it's hard to say which interests may prove to be lifelong (or near it) and which others may be just a passing fancy. It's odd.

[aeto.livejournal.com]

Interesting discussion, especially as I think of it in terms of the thing I posted earlier this week. I've probably calcified a bit, but not voluntarily. I want to be creative, but the hours and stresses of work have made it really hard to make that happen. I certainly am "involved" with con activities less now than a few years back, and (as I mentioned a while back) haven't actually finished a costume in years...

But I can certainly sympathize with the dog training bit, though. Every Sunday, I'm out at the sanctuary, feeding and maintaining the pens of the lions and tigers we've got. Nobody I work with quite understands it, but they also don't (generally) question it. It's not creative, though... I almost look forward to winter, when I'm not tempted to go outside on the beautiful days, and I feel less guilty locking myself inside working on being creative.

It's hard for me to believe that, all things considered now, I have nearly a decade experience working with tigers (in fact, I'm 3 years or so short of that). I've considered, once I pass that 10-year mark, leaving my present job and trying to get a keeper position somewhere. Given the right conditions, I could see walking more and more away from the "furry" thing, so long as I get to keep being around the big fuzzies themselves.