Calcification, revisited
May. 16th, 2007 11:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
furtechI once made a post about “calcification”. This is the transition of a person from having a fannish sense-of-wonder to a mundane with only a sense-of-rent (or kids or work). The “wonder” disappears. I just had an LJ exchange with a good friend about this. Here's my distilled version.
For those of you old enough to have friends in their 30’s+, try to remember those people back in college or high school who would once say, “Sure, I’d love to go to the comic store with you!” and who—years later—would look at you as if you just turned into dog-poop and say, “Why?!”
That’s calcification.
Calcification is the transition of former fans, artists and creative-types into people who have lost that sense of wonder-- the need to be creative. Most people eventually leave all that behind and become everyday men and women with jobs, kids and a happy --if mundane-- life. There was a time when I just could not understand how anyone could let that happen to them. Since then I've learned that it's not an active choice-- just something that happens. Other things have a higher priority and eventually they just forget about things like art and music. I've got a few very good friends who are heading down this path and while I'm sad to see them go, at least they're happy and unaware and busy entering a new phase of their lives. Likely we’ll see less and less of each other as the different priorities come with different friends.
Some people fight it, some go with the flow. Ultimately the question that needs to be addressed is: are you happy? Creativity is not a requisite for happiness. Personally, I could see myself drifting away from fandom/costuming/comics and into dog training-- an activity that is fun and can fill your free time if you let it.
Am I happy?
That's the rub: happiness is -very- subjective. People who are happy and lead ordinary lives -are- happy (let's ignore the ones who pretend they're happy). The calcification process is slow and subtle-- priorities change and you transition into another lifestyle. This doesn't mean you no longer do fun or creative things—in fact, you will shine when given the opportunity to be creative (decorating a cake for kids, office party themes, posters for fundraising booths, etc.).
I'm not saying that this transition from weird to mundane would make -me- happy: that's why I still fight it. But it can happen and it's neither good nor bad, just different.
To use a slightly different take: I look at the number of people who used to do art or take walks or DO stuff in the real world who now spend those hours happily playing WoW or Second Life. Those people are happy...they no longer do (or have cut down drastically) things that I believe are more worthwhile (walk, art, etc.), but they're not living for -my- happiness, so if they're happy that's that. None of them made a conscious decision to spend hours zombifying themselves in front of a computer and stop doing “real life” things, but they started playing and it was fun and soon that playing became more important than those things they used to spend that time doing.
For those of you old enough to have friends in their 30’s+, try to remember those people back in college or high school who would once say, “Sure, I’d love to go to the comic store with you!” and who—years later—would look at you as if you just turned into dog-poop and say, “Why?!”
That’s calcification.
Calcification is the transition of former fans, artists and creative-types into people who have lost that sense of wonder-- the need to be creative. Most people eventually leave all that behind and become everyday men and women with jobs, kids and a happy --if mundane-- life. There was a time when I just could not understand how anyone could let that happen to them. Since then I've learned that it's not an active choice-- just something that happens. Other things have a higher priority and eventually they just forget about things like art and music. I've got a few very good friends who are heading down this path and while I'm sad to see them go, at least they're happy and unaware and busy entering a new phase of their lives. Likely we’ll see less and less of each other as the different priorities come with different friends.
Some people fight it, some go with the flow. Ultimately the question that needs to be addressed is: are you happy? Creativity is not a requisite for happiness. Personally, I could see myself drifting away from fandom/costuming/comics and into dog training-- an activity that is fun and can fill your free time if you let it.
Am I happy?
That's the rub: happiness is -very- subjective. People who are happy and lead ordinary lives -are- happy (let's ignore the ones who pretend they're happy). The calcification process is slow and subtle-- priorities change and you transition into another lifestyle. This doesn't mean you no longer do fun or creative things—in fact, you will shine when given the opportunity to be creative (decorating a cake for kids, office party themes, posters for fundraising booths, etc.).
I'm not saying that this transition from weird to mundane would make -me- happy: that's why I still fight it. But it can happen and it's neither good nor bad, just different.
To use a slightly different take: I look at the number of people who used to do art or take walks or DO stuff in the real world who now spend those hours happily playing WoW or Second Life. Those people are happy...they no longer do (or have cut down drastically) things that I believe are more worthwhile (walk, art, etc.), but they're not living for -my- happiness, so if they're happy that's that. None of them made a conscious decision to spend hours zombifying themselves in front of a computer and stop doing “real life” things, but they started playing and it was fun and soon that playing became more important than those things they used to spend that time doing.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-16 08:20 pm (UTC)Sadly it can be an active choice. My brother, quite a few years ago, decided that he didn't like being a "fantasy geek." We were about to move, and he realized that he had the opportunity to reinvent himself.
So he did. He used to draw fantasy art constantly. We even collaborated for a while on a fantasy comic. After this he still did art on occasion, but mostly portraits and pictures of buildings, which he would sell or gift to people. Fantasy had, he reasoned, been a bit part of the reason why he'd never fit in socially, if he left it behind he would be happier.
And as far as I can tell he is. He was one of the most popular boys in high school his senior year. He met a nice, pretty, fun girl and married her, and they have a job selling satellite TV during the summer, while during the school year he's going to school to be a teacher, while she works in the mall to support them.
And he hasn't totally left his creativity, of course. He just has channeled it in other ways.
But he sat me down a few years ago, and told me that my insistence on reading fantasy books and drawing furry art (this was before I got into costuming) was the reason why I was still single, and if I'd just give that up and try to focus on more "normal" interests, I'd be able to catch a man. I told him that any man I caught that way was a man I didn't want to live with, and I'd be happy to remain single until I found somebody as geeky as I.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-16 10:38 pm (UTC)Your advantage over him wrt fantasy and furry fandom is that woman can just about pick and choose in a group where they're outnumbered three to one by interested males. A single woman at a science fiction convention? Goddess!
no subject
Date: 2007-05-16 10:53 pm (UTC)(And I think in my brother's case it was the move that helped. New place, no old friend or old reminders of habits to make him lapse back into them.)
no subject
Date: 2007-05-16 11:19 pm (UTC)