'Ware the Boojum Snark!

[furtech]

Ever since discovering science fiction fandom I've been bothered by a question: what causes people to "grow up"? This particular fandom-- like many others-- have members with a wide range of ages (though skewed towards the college-aged).

Before science fiction, I just assumed that you were allowed to screw around until you graduated college (or grad school), then got married, had a few kids and settled into being near-copies of one's own parents. Not so bad.

But...I had too much fun. I did notice some people gradually leave fandom, but subtly-- like victims of a Boojum Snark: "You will softly and suddenly vanish away. And never be met with again!" The ones who leave with loud protests and fanfare are back in days or weeks (and I learned to ignore attention-craving stunts). The ones who, after a gradual decline in attendance at meetings and cons, just stop showing up disturbed me quite a bit more. People who, a year or two later have you wonder, "What ever happened to 'What-was-his-name!'?"


Recent Journal posts by several friends and acquaintences have me noticing similar progressions. Subtle changes in thought, words, decisions. People I couldn't imagine leaving fandom are using phrases that nag at me: speaking of losing interest in what they love to do (costume, art, write) and talk more and more about jobs and settling down in a beaten-horse kind of tone. Or feeling awkward because most members of their fandom are so comparatively young. Or just talking like parents. I've noticed this in a half-dozen journals and a similar number of RL friends.

Sometimes it's a matter of necessity: conventions and hobbies are a luxury and responsible people sacrifice that temporarily when times are tough. The trouble is, one you leave it's easy to not come back. Is that what happened to many of them?

Others just sound like they've decided to hang it up: they had fun, now it's time to settle down. What scares me is that in any case they make a transition not unlike Wendy in "Peter Pan". Those last few pages, where she had completely forgotten what Neverland was like, and-- seeing Peter again-- suddenly longs to return, only to be told she can never go back. That last part was sad...but it was that she had so completely forgotten what it was like to have a child's sense of fun and wonder that troubled me. And it's not just forgetting fannish lives: how can one forget how much fun one had as a child? All the wonder, the excitement and anticipation?

And it's not just jobs or even having kids: my older sister loved having kids because it gave her an excuse to collect toys and comics and go to Disney films and have fun. She's more playful now than before she got married and had two really neat children.


So tell me: have any of you felt this way lately? What are your feelings about leaving "Never-never-land"? *Why* do see yourself leaving?

Comments

[dustmeat.livejournal.com]

In my life I have shifted from fandom to fandom, but I never stop being weird. So the idea (for me) of dropping out and becoming 'mundane' is ludricrous. But to answer regarding FURRY fandom, it sometimes seems too narrow for my broader sci-fi tastes. Do I leave? Of course not: I would miss my pals.

not I, good sir..

[c-eagle.livejournal.com]

If anything, I generally try to recapture any lost tracks with what time I can fit into life for those nostalgic goodnesses..

You've really covered a lot of nuances and levels here already :>
For those who do leave a youthful embrace, some may choose to... and others may be swept beyond their control. Others yet have the ability, perhaps even luxury of never fully needing to lose those early things they cherish.
And as you say, some can never quite go back.

Others still may have the blessing of learning which are the most fulfilling, therefore leaving a few of the childhood pursuits and allowing more room for a few of the best ones, be they comics, music, art, etc... all the while balancing somehow the demands and requirements of adult life. I think this is where I sorta fit. ^v^

Like, always trying to keep a few traditions, like San Diego Comic Con... while keeping a watchful eye out for new and valid ones to to fill gaps left by things lost, where possible.

Best Wishes!

[wyoon.livejournal.com]

It's funny you mention this. I have been recently thinking of nearly the same thing, just not in the exact same way. I thought of the people that I knew about before I actually got into the fandom to any measurable degree and the fact that things have changed to the point of me not being as interested in it as much. The only thing I can't ignore is that I have met some people that I would miss greatly if I disappeared completely.

[rcking]

I'm certainly not planning on leaving, but I can feel some of the forces you describe. I personally like the fandom BECAUSE it is full of young people - dealing with them helps keep me young.

Some people who are creative feel eclipsed. They usually join while they are still improving their skills and they soak up the egoboo of producing grander and more respected creations. Then they hit a plateau for a few years and suddenly feel overwhelmed by the fact that they haven't done anything incredible "lately" or overwhelmed by what the other fans have done in the mean time. This can stir up all sorts of unhappy feelings.
Self doubt. Paranoia. Fear of irrelevance or being a "has been".

As a parent of a pre-teen and a young teen, I certainly understand the feeling of inhibition one lays upon one's self. While you can't turn back the clock and become a doe-eyed newbie again, I think it is possible to ease your way back in. Enthusiasm is contagious. Long talks with new people about what they love about the fandom help firm up the base.
For example, chat up someone who discovered the fandom late in life and is still in the euphoric stage. That's a great mix of life experience and enthusiasm.

[lacy.livejournal.com]

I've done quite a bit of fandom "shifting" I guess you could say, where (at any given time) I'm into one thing more than another. And for that reason, my attention becomes focused on that one thing, at least for the time being, until maybe another more appetizing hobby comes along for me to get into. However, there are a few things I've never really left.. like anything Science Fiction related. I still love it all, and as far as I can tell that's not going to change.

While I still have some of the same likes/dislikes, what I'm into hardcore does change every so often. For several years I was very much a Pokemon fan in every way, shape, and form. However, I still like all things related to Pokemon quite a bit, but I'm not empowered to go out and seek others who enjoy Pokemon as well, and play/chat with them on the subject.

That being said, for me "furry" is different because making costumes is different than just your average hobby. It gives some sense of accomplishment instead of just.. relating to people who like the same thing? There is some of that in there, but for me it's the making of costumes that keeps me wanting to do more. If I do ever give up my costuming, it will probably be for lack of time. Right now time isn't a huge problem for me, I'm going to college and making costumes is like a part-time job that I really enjoy. But sometime in the distant future, lack of time may cause me to burn out. I'm not going to say, "I'll be doing this forever," because I know that's a bit unlikely. For the time being though, I'm really enjoying what I'm doing. :)

[waynekaa.livejournal.com]

I've certainly toned down as compared to my activities from a few years ago. Due to my periods of inactivity, I'd get questions from my friends if I've quit from time to time. Not that I think they're really concerned as it must make good gossip :D

[redstorm.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of it is also the company you keep. If your friends and family for the most part believe that you should 'grow up and settle down' you always have theat pressure nagging in the back of your mind 'I can't do this forever, I have to become a 'real' person soon, I must grow up.'
In truth, you don't. i mean, you can't run around like a chile with a childs lack of responsibility and understanding of repurcussions, but you do not have to get married, settle and be who society pressures you to be. Times and lifestyles are changing. If you exist happily nurturing your childish (creative?) side, then that's what's right for you.
I look at how my friends have changed over the years. The ones who have now 'grown up' have the fun of marriages falling apart and a self-enforced secluded existance where they only socialise with the 'right' kinds of people. The others seem happy, if a little unsettled.
Sometimes if i'm away from something long enough I think I could happily live without it - then i'm reminded of what i'm missing and throw myself back into it again.

I don't see it as not growing up, I just see us as the new breed of grownups, the ones who have chosen not to sacrifice their happiness.

BTW - got a copy of Box of Delights burned on DVD. You wanted to watch it yea?
The others

[skorzy.livejournal.com]

In a nutshell (since I'm soon to bed and can't offer the full bowl of nuts..)..

Yes.

I am drifting away from this "fandom", but not the material in it. Does that make sense? I'm as much a fan of anthropomorphics as I ever was, but the appeal of attending conventions etc. has waned severly over the last few years.

I could explain it better with more sleep. :)

[ruggels.livejournal.com]

Surfing in from iisaw's journal. Hope you don't mind. I see a lot of the parallels between the fandom involvement, and the re-enactor hobby. The exits from either seem very similar. In the Re-enactment hobby, it's often a hobby for the young, but there is a problem in that it's a very expensive hobby compared to the fandom, so re-enactors have to have a serious comitment to it to play. 19 -25 year olds tend not to have enough income other than to support one or two impressions. When they reach their early thirties they are usually at their peak of involvemnt,but as fitness declines, or other factors impinge such as kids, involvement tapers off, and declines. So for older re-enactors that do WW2, they either buy or crew a vehicle, so they no longer have to walk, or they sell of their combat gear, and keep one or two "Dress Uniforms" for holiday parties or ceremonies, until they finally don't come out any more. However when visited, they still have their huge libraries, their Movie Collections, and often their photo albums. They still have their interest, but their situation or priorities changed.

For me I always held most of furry fandom at a bit of a distance, because I did not like the people in charge at the time, nor the themes they promoted. Before they arrrived there was a brief time, whern the fandom was optomistic, and looking outward, with early Albedo, Michroney's "Space Ark", and before Mike Kazaleh turned into the bitterest pill in the universe,, that I loved the stuff, and found the fandom fascinating, but then the fandom turned inward, and pessimistic and fearful, a den of victims, that it became. The stories ceased to be about exploration and logic, and became about relationships and emotion. It wasn't "fun", though some of the folks I met were. Though now the demographics are changing, and it's slightly more interesting, though the exploratory, and outward look is long gone.

The only reason I go to cons is to have good coversation with a few cool folks at the con, either in rooms or over meals, and very rarely buy items I could not obtain elsewhere, though that is rarer and rarer these days.

Scott

[ironbadger.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, I stopped going to mainstream SF cons years ago because I got a faceful of "we hate you because your a furry" at several cons in a row..
Or people were just snotty and unfriendly regardless of what sub-fandom you belonged to.
(Loscon and worldcon in Anaheim were very unfriendly- after several loscons in a row where the attendees were just impossible to talk to, I stopped going entirely.)

Comicon I still attend- for one day in order to troop in my stormtrooper armor.
But the place is so huge and packed with tons of faceless humanity that I have pretty much given up any attempt at socialising there.


I have friends I hang out with in furry fandom at FC-
I've been to a couple of other cons outside of california, but for some reason I don't feel as welcome or comfortable at them.

I left civil war re-enacting years ago because of snotty attitudes and overt politics that just plain pissed me off.


FC is a blast- but the need to work a dealer's room table limits the time I can spend having any fun at the con, so I always feel a little cheated when its over. (At least, if the sales have been bad..)

This last FC was the first time in at least a couple of years where I have felt creatively recharged after it was over.
Thats a good feeling, and its all too rare these days.
I think a lot of it was the chance to get in some costuming time again. :)
I'd forgotten how much I missed it.


As for drifting away and losing interest?
Nah.
I admit my expectations are not the same as they were many years ago.
My sense of wonder is tarnished with experience and hard lessons-
But I like to think that I have also learned to appreciate more what I have now because you can lose it without warning.

Fandom changed my life and gave me a reason to hope for things getting better.
It gave me friends and opportunites that I would never have had if I'd never found fandom.
I'm grateful for them.
And I'll never forget that.

-Badger-