'Ware the Boojum Snark!
Dec. 11th, 2004 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
furtechEver since discovering science fiction fandom I've been bothered by a question: what causes people to "grow up"? This particular fandom-- like many others-- have members with a wide range of ages (though skewed towards the college-aged).
Before science fiction, I just assumed that you were allowed to screw around until you graduated college (or grad school), then got married, had a few kids and settled into being near-copies of one's own parents. Not so bad.
But...I had too much fun. I did notice some people gradually leave fandom, but subtly-- like victims of a Boojum Snark: "You will softly and suddenly vanish away. And never be met with again!" The ones who leave with loud protests and fanfare are back in days or weeks (and I learned to ignore attention-craving stunts). The ones who, after a gradual decline in attendance at meetings and cons, just stop showing up disturbed me quite a bit more. People who, a year or two later have you wonder, "What ever happened to 'What-was-his-name!'?"
Recent Journal posts by several friends and acquaintences have me noticing similar progressions. Subtle changes in thought, words, decisions. People I couldn't imagine leaving fandom are using phrases that nag at me: speaking of losing interest in what they love to do (costume, art, write) and talk more and more about jobs and settling down in a beaten-horse kind of tone. Or feeling awkward because most members of their fandom are so comparatively young. Or just talking like parents. I've noticed this in a half-dozen journals and a similar number of RL friends.
Sometimes it's a matter of necessity: conventions and hobbies are a luxury and responsible people sacrifice that temporarily when times are tough. The trouble is, one you leave it's easy to not come back. Is that what happened to many of them?
Others just sound like they've decided to hang it up: they had fun, now it's time to settle down. What scares me is that in any case they make a transition not unlike Wendy in "Peter Pan". Those last few pages, where she had completely forgotten what Neverland was like, and-- seeing Peter again-- suddenly longs to return, only to be told she can never go back. That last part was sad...but it was that she had so completely forgotten what it was like to have a child's sense of fun and wonder that troubled me. And it's not just forgetting fannish lives: how can one forget how much fun one had as a child? All the wonder, the excitement and anticipation?
And it's not just jobs or even having kids: my older sister loved having kids because it gave her an excuse to collect toys and comics and go to Disney films and have fun. She's more playful now than before she got married and had two really neat children.
So tell me: have any of you felt this way lately? What are your feelings about leaving "Never-never-land"? *Why* do see yourself leaving?
Before science fiction, I just assumed that you were allowed to screw around until you graduated college (or grad school), then got married, had a few kids and settled into being near-copies of one's own parents. Not so bad.
But...I had too much fun. I did notice some people gradually leave fandom, but subtly-- like victims of a Boojum Snark: "You will softly and suddenly vanish away. And never be met with again!" The ones who leave with loud protests and fanfare are back in days or weeks (and I learned to ignore attention-craving stunts). The ones who, after a gradual decline in attendance at meetings and cons, just stop showing up disturbed me quite a bit more. People who, a year or two later have you wonder, "What ever happened to 'What-was-his-name!'?"
Recent Journal posts by several friends and acquaintences have me noticing similar progressions. Subtle changes in thought, words, decisions. People I couldn't imagine leaving fandom are using phrases that nag at me: speaking of losing interest in what they love to do (costume, art, write) and talk more and more about jobs and settling down in a beaten-horse kind of tone. Or feeling awkward because most members of their fandom are so comparatively young. Or just talking like parents. I've noticed this in a half-dozen journals and a similar number of RL friends.
Sometimes it's a matter of necessity: conventions and hobbies are a luxury and responsible people sacrifice that temporarily when times are tough. The trouble is, one you leave it's easy to not come back. Is that what happened to many of them?
Others just sound like they've decided to hang it up: they had fun, now it's time to settle down. What scares me is that in any case they make a transition not unlike Wendy in "Peter Pan". Those last few pages, where she had completely forgotten what Neverland was like, and-- seeing Peter again-- suddenly longs to return, only to be told she can never go back. That last part was sad...but it was that she had so completely forgotten what it was like to have a child's sense of fun and wonder that troubled me. And it's not just forgetting fannish lives: how can one forget how much fun one had as a child? All the wonder, the excitement and anticipation?
And it's not just jobs or even having kids: my older sister loved having kids because it gave her an excuse to collect toys and comics and go to Disney films and have fun. She's more playful now than before she got married and had two really neat children.
So tell me: have any of you felt this way lately? What are your feelings about leaving "Never-never-land"? *Why* do see yourself leaving?
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 04:44 am (UTC)I think one of the problems is I've developed a reluctance to be around "fannish" people, and the friends I've made in this (and other) fandoms are those that don't have that fannish air about them (or, at least, confine it to fannish activities). Most of the newer friends I've met and keep in contact with have interests outside the fandom, in the "real world" that I find a commonality with. This isn't isolated to "Furry", but any scifi/fantasy fandom. I stopped going to scifi/fantasy cons awhile ago because I was just getting irritated with the parade of fannish people, drama and attitudes.
The time, expense and stress related to going to cons just isn't worth it to me anymore. I keep thinking of the OTHER things I could be doing with that time instead of attending Cons! I'm single and I would really like to mingle in social scenes that are going to be productive in changing that. The whole furry scene doesn't really hold alot of options there. (If I were gay, well..it'd be a different story). I'm at the age where I should really be putting my social time into avenues where I have chances.
However, I *love* anthropomorphics. Its been a part of my life since childhood. Alot of the material in the fandom still attracts me. I've realized long ago I'll never grow entirely "tired" of the scene, but the "fandom" itself is stale and just not an attraction to me anymore.
Rereading this and I haven't exactly explained how I feel. :) Though, pinpointing on "fannish" behaviour is probably the #1 reason I am drifting. I prefer the company of people who have lives outside the fandom, but find the fandom a point of interest like I do.
I was fortunate to discover a POD of them at MFF. And thus, MFF 2004 was the best con experience I ever had.
No worries though, if I consider someone a "friend", either in the fandom or not, I'm not going to "drift away" from them.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 06:56 am (UTC)Scott
Scott
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 09:17 am (UTC)Two things I hate about furry fandom (besides chronic Asperger's Syndrome and overt pornography): 1.) Infantalism (using words like, "Wuf," "wuv," "fwendwy" or acting like pre-schoolers) and 2.) all the uninvited touching.
Points to some of this...
Date: 2004-12-14 09:50 am (UTC)Now Skorzy also hit on points I didn't think about or simply could not alliterate properly. Well put Skorzy.